ALAN Online

An Interview with Ashley Rhodes-Courter,
author of Three Little Words: A Memoir

by Pam B. Cole 

At the age of three, Ashley Rhodes was taken from her biological mother by Florida child welfare system and placed in foster care. Ashley never again lived with her biological mother. Over the next nine years, she lived in fourteen different foster homes, many of which were abusive and negligent. At the age of twelve, Ashley was adopted by Phil and Gay Courter of Crystal River, Florida. Ashley had given up hope that anyone would care about her, but with the love and support of the Courter family, she learned to trust and thrived as a teen. This past May I had the good fortune to chair a session at IRA in Atlanta in which Ashley talked about her childhood memoir, Three Little Words, a testament to the enduring strength of the human spirit.  Below is a brief interview I conducted with Ashley after her IRA presentation.

 COLE: Why did you want to write Three Little Words?

RHODES-COURTER: The book actually started as an essay that I wrote for a high school contest through the New York Times. I was fortunate to win first place and was published in the magazine. After that, there was a lot of interest from others to hear the full story. That’s when I decided that this project could be a wonderful way for me not only to piece together the puzzle of my past, but it could also be an instrument for change within America’s broken child welfare system. I definitely did not want my memoir to be another “orphan sob story.”  Instead, I wanted it to be inspiring and informative. Most importantly, I wanted it to be a call to action.

COLE: Three Little Words is an extremely tough story. What was the biggest challenge you had in writing the book?

RHODES-COURTER: Writing my book was difficult on many levels. It was NOTHING like writing one of my term papers for school!  The most difficult aspect of the project was spending countless hours doing research on myself. I was uncovering some rather shocking, and sometimes hurtful, things in my case files and through my interviews with former foster parents, case workers, and other people who knew me during my time in care. I didn’t want to relive some of the graphic and terrifying experiences in foster homes. My adoptive parents and editors were constantly telling me that I had to put more of my “feelings” onto the page instead of simply describing each scene. As a child, I was very closed off and tried not to let my emotions of rejection, sorrow, pain, guilt, and fear get the best of me—so I wasn’t excited about rehashing those emotions as a young adult!  Also, I tried to be completely honest and forthcoming in my memoir, so that meant sharing stories about myself….both good and bad. Some of my behaviors and experiences are rather embarrassing, and I was fearful of what people would think of me after reading about these incidences. But in the end, I felt it was my responsibility to show all sides of my story. No one person, or family, is perfect. And as readers will discover, I definitely had some bad and good days like everyone else!

COLE:  I’ve read dozens of novels by authors who grew up in difficult circumstances, but I have never read one in which the author can tell his/her story without being melodramatic and without working too hard to “convince” the audience how bad things were until I read your book.  Most writers, particularly new ones writing this close to home, “tell” more than they “show.”  And yet, when I read your book, I couldn’t help being captured by your ability to distance yourself from “Ashley.” You show us her anxiety (you don’t say, “I was anxious,”) but we see your anxiety in scenes such as the times in which you deliberately attempt to sabotage your relationship with the Courters—for fear it’s going to blow apart anyway. Did the ability to write that way—to simply show us and not tell us, to let us have the emotional response “on our own”—come natural to you? Or did you have prompting/advice from the editor? 

RHODES-COURTER: Since I grew up being very emotionally detached from my life, I felt the same way as I was recreating the younger “me”. I would write scenes and describe things thoroughly and accurately, but then when people and my editors would read the manuscript, they would constantly comment that I needed to work harder to show how I felt. Rehashing emotions to the pages of my book was especially difficult because I had worked my entire life to be emotionally turned off to protect myself from abusive situations.

COLE: Did you read much as a child and teen? How much did you know about the field of young adult literature before you wrote your book?

RHODES-COURTER: I must admit that I wasn’t an insatiable reader when I was younger.  Because I moved so often, many of my possessions were often lost or destroyed by other kids in my various foster homes. I did rely heavily on my imagination, and I loved to write and draw. In school I would create poems and doodle quite a bit. A few teachers were kind enough to give me books, but they were stolen.

When I moved into my adoptive family, I was unfamiliar with a lot of the classic children’s stories like The Little Engine That Could.  My adoptive parents began to read me those types of stories at bedtime.  
They introduced me to more literature and I became addicted to the Harry Potter books.

When my book was published, I knew little to nothing about the publishing process, and aside from reading YA literature, I didn’t know anything about creating it. However, I was seventeen when I began my story, so technically I was still a young adult myself and was still in that mindset. My adoptive mother is a writer so she and many others were able to help me transition from writing term papers, short stories, and essays to creating an entire book.

COLE: What authors do you remember reading in middle school and high school?

Aside from my parents reintroducing me to some classic children’s literature, I also read J.K. Rowling, Thomas Hardy, Sue Townsend, Ray Bradbury, Shel Silverstein, Beverly Cleary, Jane Austin, Edgar Allan Poe, George Orwell … and the list goes on. I must admit, too, that I did spend a significant amount of time reading what was assigned in my classes. Since I was also active in sports, drama, and other extracurricular activities, required reading assignments generally took up any spare time I had. But I loved theatre so I would often read much more Shakespeare than I was assigned.

COLE: You mentioned at IRA that you learned a great deal about yourself in writing this book through research and reflection. What, though, can you say you learned about the craft of writing from writing this memoir?

RHODES-COURTER: I learned a tremendous amount about myself and about the writing profession during the process of completing my book.  I thought I would have a really hard time reliving some painful moments, and I found myself being shocked daily by what I was uncovering about my life in my research.  Some homes were even more horrible than I had remembered, and discovering that almost 25% of my foster parents were, or became, convicted felons certainly didn’t make me feel great.  In the end, I was really glad to know all of the good and bad things that I found and ultimately, the project made me feel much more whole. In terms of getting the book together and making the story cohesive, I think it helped that there were so many eyes and hands involved in crafting the project.  I was constantly learning things from my adoptive parents, editors, and others that I had read manuscripts and they helped to “flesh out” various sections and chapters. Going into it, I knew nothing about how to write an entire book, but slowly and with plenty of guidance, it came together!  

COLE: What are you working on now?

RHODES-COURTER: At the moment I am traveling full time helping to spread the word about foster care and adoption issues, as well as empowering adults and young people to get involved in their communities. I hope that my book will be a tool for change within the child welfare system, and I hope that my work will encourage others to step up and champion for  the people and issues they care about.

COLE: Do you plan to write another book?

RHODES-COURTER: I think I would absolutely invite the opportunity to write another book. Writing is such a therapeutic outlet, and I am so honored to have been a part of the literary world. The people that I have met have been wonderful. I am so appreciative of all the opportunities I have been given and the lives I’ve been able touch. So I definitely can’t say “no” when people ask me if I’ll write again! 

COLE: It has been an honor to get to know you Ashley. Thank you for what you do. 

RHODES-COURTER:  I feel very blessed to have been given an opportunity like this.  I hope that other kids and families are inspired by my story and choose to find their own voices and passions.  No matter where you come from, or what hand you were dealt in life, your future is entirely your own.